From Drama to Resolution: 5 Steps for Managing Colleague Conflict
Colleague conflict sucks. Period. No one comes to work hoping this will be the day they get into a huge tiff with a coworker. The unnecessary drama, inefficient use of energy and time, for what? To prove a point? To stand your ground?
Highly dynamic and fast-paced working environments are often a breeding ground for conflict, especially when a ton of type-A personalities are involved. This is simply the reality of the situation. Question is, what are you going to do if you find yourself caught in the middle of a conflict, or even worse, are the one causing the tension?
Doing nothing, and allowing the conflict to continue, may seem like the easier choice, but what’s that decision truly costing you? And it is a decision - a choice you make to do nothing. It may not feel like that but by doing nothing, saying nothing, continuing to go on day after day maneuvering the conflict, you’re making the choice to let it continue. Easier said than done?
Working through conflict and building up the courage to do something about it takes time. The process cannot begin, however, until you honestly reflect on the conflict and commit to doing something about it. So…let’s dive into the steps I created for myself when I experienced this type of conflict.
Step 1: Acknowledge the Conflict
Colleague conflict can be difficult to deal with, but it’s important to acknowledge that it exists. Ignoring the issue won’t make it go away, and in fact, it could make the situation worse. Take a step back and reflect on the situation. What is causing the conflict? Is it a difference in opinion or a clash in personalities? Once you’ve identified the source of the conflict, you can start working towards a solution.
Step 2: Have a Conversation
Now it’s important to have a face to face conversation with the person involved. Yes, this will require some courage. Schedule a time to sit down and discuss the issue in a calm and professional manner. Start off by sharing your perspective and be sure to listen to theirs as well. Remember to stay objective and avoid getting defensive or attacking the person but also stay true to yourself and let them know exactly how they make you feel when they behave a certain way that puts you down.
Step 3: Focus on the Issue, Not the Person
During the conversation, it’s important to focus on the issue and not the person. Avoid making personal attacks or pointing fingers. Instead, stay focused on the problem at hand and the impacts it’s having on you and your work.
Step 4: Develop a Plan of Action
The ‘hard’ part is almost done - it’s time to develop a plan of action. Try to find a common ground as you work together to find a solution that addresses the issue at hand. Be open to compromise and be willing to find a solution that works for both parties.
Step 5: Follow Up
Hopefully no follow up is needed. Hopefully once the person hears how they’ve negatively impacted you by their behavior that’s enough for them to change. Hopefully your brave initiative to have a difficult conversation is all it took to bring awareness to the individual and they walk away changed for the better. But what if that doesn’t happen? What if you put yourself out there and nothing changes? Are you willing to revisit the issue and find a new solution? Maybe one conversation wasn’t enough and a follow up is needed - are you willing to try? Remember, conflict resolution may be an ongoing process and requires commitment and effort from both parties.
And…if after all that you realize you’re the only one willing to put in the effort, well…at least you know you tried. Take comfort in the fact you did your part to improve the situation, regardless of the outcome. Some people can’t/won’t change, even if they acknowledge their poor behavior, and that’s on them. We can’t control how others show up in this world - only how we do.
